The Realities of War
by Midnightkid02
Summary: AU Once a month, she received a letter from her boyfriend, who deployed to fight in a war overseas. Every month she waited for his letter and every month he waited for hers. How will their relationship cope with the strain of their distant love? K/L
1. Through Blue Eyes

*****Warning for you ladies with boyfriends/husbands/love interests deployed overseas, you might want to overlook this one. It is based on the reality of what can/has happened to relationships with loved ones who are off to serve their Country. For my fellow Battles out there (and everyone else who took the Oath to support and defend the Constitution), the warning goes for you too. I'm sure this is a true story somewhere, but it wasn't my intention and its purely coincidence. I will say that it is loosely based on my experiences with dealing with long distant relationships while serving in the Army. I do not own the Gundam franchise.*****

The First Month

Lacus ran into the living room of her apartment, tearing open the letter she recieved from her boyfriend Kira, who was serving overseas in the Middle East. Like a child opening a Christmas present, Lacus quickly discarded the shredded envelope, revealing it's contents.

_Lacus,_

_No words can express how much I miss you. It's only been a month since I left, but it already feels like an eternity. When I arrived here last week, the first thing on my mind was getting this letter to you. The Combat Outpost I'm assigned to is small and we barely have the essentials, but it's a vital position that we must protect. I really look forward to receiving you letters. I just wish we could get some internet connection or something so I could video chat with you. But with how remote and mountainous the terrain is, I doubt that'll happen. In any case, I miss you and I love you with all my heart._

_-Kira_

The Second Month

Lacus walked into the living room with a bundle of letters. Sorting through the bills and junk mail, her attention was immediately locked onto the letter with her boyfriend's handwriting. Tossing the rest of the mail on the ground, she tore at the letter and quickly read through it's contents.

_My Dearest Lacus,_

_I received your package this morning and couldn't help but smile . I couldn't help but smile when I read your letter. I really loved the pictures you sent and even hung them up on my wall locker. That way, every time I get up and get dressed in the morning, the first thing I'll see is your beautiful smile. By the way, the guys here really loved all the cookies you baked and extend their thanks. There has been a lot of activity in the region and the convoys are getting sketchier. I bet you've been watching the news and you probably know that the area I'm at isn't exactly the safest. As much as I know you will, don't worry about me. All that training I received and the commodore my team and I share will get us through this. Above of all, the love I have for you and the desire for you to be in my arms again will ensure that I come home safe to see you again. I love you Lacus, and I miss you with all my heart._

_-Kira_

The Third Month

Lacus crawled into her living room, mail in hand. She was tired from work and all she could think of was her upcoming day off. Her friends invited her to go to a new club that recently opened downtown and she looked forward to going out for a change. Sorting through the letters, she looked at the envelope from her distant boyfriend. A Smile crept on her tired face as she opened the letter and began to read.

_Lacus,_

_I feels like I keep repeating myself over and over again about how much I love and miss you, but I can't help what I feel. I've been going over and over in my head of all the things I want to do with you when I come home. I want to take you around the world and experience everything the world has to offer with you. I want to take you to all your favorite restaurants and catch up on everything I missed. Most of all, I want to hold you tight and embrace the sole thing my heart and body have been yearning for. I made it a habit to read your letters everyday before a mission just to put my mind at ease. Even though the area is getting more and more hostile and each day seems to get more dangerous, I know that the love I have for you will see me through this deployment. I miss you so much Lacus and I love you with all my heart._

_-Kira_

The Forth Month

Lacus walked into the apartment laughing, mail in hand, as her friend Athrun followed her inside. She met Athrun last month through her friend Miriallia, the night she went to the club with her friends. Walking into the living room, she sorted through the mail and stopped when her eyes recognized the familiar handwriting. Creeping up behind her, Athrun wrapped an arm around her waist and began to nibble at Lacus' ear. Feeling aroused as Athrun's hands explored her body, Lacus tossed the letters on the living room counter. Taking Athrun's hand, Lacus lead him into her bedroom, shutting the door shortly after.

The Fifth Month

Lacus had the day off and spent most of it laying on the couch of her living room, watching TV. Feeling guilty for the affair she's been having for the last month, Lacus wrote Kira a letter two weeks ago, telling him the truth of how she felt. How she felt too distant from him and how she had urges that she needed fulfilled. She explained how she couldn't handle all the worry anymore and that she still wanted to be friends. Even though the nature of the letter was gonna be heart breaking for him, Lacus wrote just how much she loved him and how maybe things might work out when he comes back; but for now, it wasn't their time.

Surfing through channels, Lacus couldn't find anything to watch. She continued flipping through the channels until the image of a certain person forced her to stop on the local news.

"…_over in the Middle East_, _Private First Class Kira Yamato, a local resident of Onogoro, was killed last week by a roadside bomb that struck his convoy…"_

Staring into the violet eyes that drew her to the screen. Lacus' body went numb as her heart began to crash. The sinking feeling in her stomach impeded her ability to breath as the reality of the situation settled into her head. Her eyes were glued to the screen as the news castor narrated a brief biography of his life. Pictures of Kira throughout his life were displayed, mostly those of him in the military. The last picture in the news segment was of her and Kira, both wearing bright smiles.

Lacus immediately recognized the picture as her eyes grew damp. Kira was in his Military uniform while Lacus wore her favorite white sundress. He was behind her with his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. It was a picture taken at Kira's deployment ceremony shortly before he left. It was also the last picture her and Kira took together. Lacus slid off the couch and onto her knees. Tears trickled down her face as she curled up into a ball. Unable to escape the pain in her heart, she began to cry out loudly. Her world had crashed around her.

**A/N - I thought of this when me and my ex's song came on while I was working today. It sucks, but I have to admit that being single and deployed has it's benefits. I'm probably gonna add a chapter through Kira's perspective.**


	2. Through Violet Eyes

**I kinda rushed the first chapter, trying to get my thoughts down into words before I forgot. I was somewhat pleased with the results, but I felt I could've done better. Luckily, I managed to take my time on this chapter and I'm certainly pleased with the results. This one kinda hit home for me and after rereading it, I definitely think I might draw a few tears from some of you. With that said, I don't own Gundam nor its characters. **

The First Month

Kira sat on his bunk, sealing the envelope of his first letter to Lacus. Slipping it into his pocket, Kira picked up his weapon that was slung over his bunk and walked towards the barrack's exit.

"Sending out a letter?" Kira stopped and looked over his shoulder. Kira's Squad Leader, Mwu La Flaga was laying on his bunk reading a book, his eyes still locked on his pages.

"Yes Sir, I was gonna drop it off at the mail box before I head to chow." Kira responded. Mwu put his book down and stood up. Reaching into his pocket, he produced a letter.

"How many times do I gotta tell you kid, just Call me Mwu. We're all we got you know…" Mwu walked over to the young shoulder and extended the letter to him.

"Can you do me a favor and drop off mine too while you're at it?" Kira nodded and accepted the letter. "I owe you one kid!" Mwu replied as he walked back towards his bunk.

Kira exited the barracks and walked across the camp towards the drop box. Looking down at the Commander's letters, Kira read the address of it's Recipient. "Murrue Ramius…" Reaching the Operations Tent, Kira dropped the two letters into the Milk crate that served as mail box.

Before he took his first step, Kira heard a high pitch whistle and immediately dropped to the ground. A deafening explosion rocked the tiny outpost as more and more distinct whistles of incoming mortar rounds screamed through the sky. Explosions rocked the camp and the sounds of gun fire broke the peace that the camp had five minutes ago. Kira, still on the dirt ground, tightened the grip on his rifle, his thoughts turning to his love back home.

The Second Month

Returning from the three-day long Convoy, Kira walked towards the barracks from the motor pool. On his way back, he couldn't help but notice the make-shift memorials for the deceased. Six wooden crosses, nothing more than spare pieces of plywood and electrical tape, stood proudly. Wrapped around them were the dog tags of the Six soldiers who died in the last month, four during the mortar attack and two during a convoy.

Entering his barracks, Kira's eyes immediately fixed onto the sole brown box that laid on his bed. Kira ran to his bunk and immediately pulled out his knife. Picking up the box, Kira sliced through the tape on the package addressed from Lacus. Opening it up with a sparkle in his eye, Kira unpacked the treasures the box held. Inside was a Tupperware container of homemade cookies, a couple DVDs of Kira's favorite movies, and a single letter. Picking up the letter, Kira wasted no time and shredded the envelope, unfolding the carefully creased piece of paper.

_Kira,_

_I was ecstatic when I opened up your letter the other day. Reading your letter, I couldn't help but cry. I miss you so much and I wish you could be here with me. I hope you're doing good out there and I hope you're keeping safe. Other than missing you, I've been fine. Everyone back home is still the same with the exception of you not being here. I hope you like the goodies I packed! Feel free to share the cookies I made with your friends. I also included pictures, some of them new, some of them old. Just a little something to let you know that I'm still here for you, waiting for the day you return to me. Stay safe out there Kira Yamato! _

_All my love,_

_Lacus_

Kira could feel his eye water as he smiled looking at the picture that was taped to the letter. It was of him and Lacus, his arms wrapped around her waist, both beaming with smiles. It was from the deployment ceremony, it was also the last picture they took before he left. Kira shut his eyes and held the letter to his heart. A single tear slid down his eye.

The Third Month

Kira was laying on his bunk reading a book when a shadow hovered over the pages. Looking up, Kira saw the smile of his blond-haired Commander, holding a letter in his hand. Grinning ear to ear, Kira placed his hand out to accept the letter. Allowing the letter to brush his finger tips, Mwu pulled it away at the last second, leaving Kira flustered.

"Hey!" Nearly falling off the bed, Kira sat up and snatched the letter out his Commander's hands. Mwu simply laughed and walked away, leaving the boy in peace.

Opening up the envelope, Kira unfolded the letter and immediately began to read.

_Kira,_

_I'm so glad you loved my package and I'll be sure to send more cookies for you and your friends. I wish you could've seen how much I smiled when I read how you put my picture up on your wall locker. It made me sad however when I read the part of how dangerous the area you're at really is. I try not to watch the news because I worry I might see your name in the head lines. Every day I fear I might hear that you were hurt or something bad happened. I don't know what I would do if that were the case. You're my world Kira and without you, that world wouldn't be as beautiful as it is. I miss you Kira and I want you to know how much I love you. I'll be here waiting for the day you come back to me. Until then, stay safe out there and know that my heart is always with you._

_All my love,_

_Lacus_

The Fourth Month

More than a month had passed since Kira received a letter from Lacus. The frequency of the camp getting hit by indirect and small arms fire made him wonder if he was ever gonna see his love again. Kira sat on the edge of his bed, rereading the last letter he received from Lacus. Folding up the little piece of heaven he had, Kira placed the letter into his left chest pocket, closest to his heart. "Maybe it got lost in the mail or something…"

Standing up, he walked towards the barracks door. Looking over his shoulder, Kira's eyes wondered over to Mwu, who was sound asleep in his bed. Turning around and looking across the barracks, he couldn't help but notice that several bunks were empty. Their owners prematurely taken away from the world. Kira placed his hand over his heart, feeling the letter, and sighed. Holding back a tear, Kira clenched his jaw and walked out the door.

The Fifth Month

Kira was putting on his body armor, tightening up the straps and making sure nothing was loose. He had another convoy today, one that would take most of the afternoon to complete. It was just a simple humanitarian mission. Picking up his weapon, Kira started to run out the door when he bumped into someone.

"Sorry about that…" the soldier replied. Looking up at him, Kira noticed it was Sai Argyle, one of the staff members from Operations.

"Hey Sai, what brings you to our neck of the woods?" Kira asked. Looking into his Violet eyes, Sai realized it was the person he was looking for.

Reaching into his pocket, he produced a letter and handed it to Kira. "This arrived in the mail today, I wanted to hand this to you before you guys left."

"Thanks Sai, I appreciate it!" Kira replied as he walked back into the barracks and towards his bunk. Kira thumbed over the lip of the envelope and read the return address. It was from none other than the love of his life. Kira's mood instantly changed and the depression he felt for the last few weeks was replaced with joy.

Feeling the weight of the letter Kira began to open up the envelope, only to stop halfway through. He stood there for a few seconds and made a decision. Opening up his wall locker, Kira gently placed Lacus' letter next to another envelope that shared the same shelf. The other envelope was addressed to Lacus. He was gonna mail the letter he wrote the night before, after he returned from this convoy.

"I should read this when I get back, that way I have something to look forward to after the convoy…" Kira mumbled, his words falling on deaf ears.

Before shutting the wall locker, Kira's eyes wandered over to the picture of him and Lacus that was taped up by the Mirror. He looked at the picture every single morning when he woke up and every night before he went to bed. It became a habit for him and yet every time he saw it, it was like seeing it for the first time. In the picture, Lacus was wearing her favorite sundress that he loved so much. Her bright blue eyes were glossy, tears threatened to run down her cheeks. Her hands were holding his, which were wrapped tightly around her waist. Even though the nature of the occasion was sad, the smiles they both wore were that of genuine happiness.

Kira was oblivious to the sound of incoming footsteps when his Commander's voice broke his trance. "Hey Kid, we gotta go!" Mwu shouted from the door, before running off.

"I'm coming Sir!" Kira shouted as he looked over the picture one last time. Kira smiled and placed two fingers on his lips, giving them a light kiss. He placed his fingers over the picture, touching the bright smile Lacus had in the picture. Kira held back a tear and sighed, his face turning serious. Clenching his jaw, he closed the wall locker one last time. Picking up his weapon, he slipping his hand through his tactical vest and over the chest pocket closest to his heart. Feeling the crumpled paper he kept there for luck, Kira clenched the old letter from Lacus and ran out the door.

**A/N - I guess you can call this a happy ending, given the circumstances. I might do an epilogue or something. I have a rough idea for that, but we'll see what happens. Not gonna lie, The letter in the chest pocket for luck thing was my thing=P**


	3. Epilogue

**Being the closet romantic I am, I decided to do an Epilogue chapter in order to make the ending just a little bit more happier in Kira and Lacus' favor. I intended on ending the story on the last chapter and hopefully it doesn't ruin how the story originally ended. But I feel this will bring the story full circle and give it a formal closure. I don't own Gundam and all that good stuff.**

Three days after

Mwu limped into the barracks, his crutches clicking against the concrete surface with each step. He was lucky, only a shattered femur and a couple of cuts & bruises. Sai followed behind him with a box and bolt-cutter in hand. Slowly, they made their way to Mwu's subordinate's bunk.

Sai placed the box on the bed and looked at the Commander, who in turn nodded. Picking up the bolt-cutters, Sai cut the lock on Kira's wall locker. The lock fell to the ground producing an audible clank that echoed through the empty barracks.

"Thanks Argyle, I'll handle it from here." Sai nodded and exited the barracks, leaving the Commander alone.

Emptying the contents of the locker, Mwu thoughts drifted to that day. He was about to hop in the driver's seat when the Kid stopped him, volunteering to be the driver. Something about it being his turn in the rotation anyway. Shrugging his shoulders, the Commander let the Kid have it is his way. Everything was relatively normal until halfway through the convoy. "_We were so caught up on talking about each other's loved ones back home that we both didn't notice the IED until it was too late…"_

"I should've said No!" Mwu yelled while slamming a fist into the wall locker door. The door slammed back against the side of locker with force. The force caused two envelopes to fall off the shelf and onto the barracks floor. Mwu slowly knelt down, trying not to agitate his injury, and picked the letters up off the ground.

Mwu looked at the first envelope and read the return address out loud "Lacus Clyne?". Looking at the second envelope, The Commander read the return address out loud "PFC. Kira Yamato? ".

The Commander played with the letters in his hand, they were still sealed. "_Why didn't the kid open the letter?"_

Hearing the Commander punching the wall locker, Sai entered the barracks and crept up behind the nostalgic blond. "That's the letter I gave Kira! The day… he left on the convoy."

Hearing that, Mwu sat down on Kira's bunk. It wasn't any of his business going through his personal correspondence, but something in his gut didn't add up. "The kid would never miss a chance to read a new letter from her."

"Maybe he didn't have enough time?" Sai responded to the Commanders statement. Mwu glared at the teen. Taking the hint, Sai stepped back. "I'll be outside…"

Holding the letter in his hands, Mwu gently opened up it's contents. Unfolding the sheet of paper, his eyes began moving along the page.

_Kira,_

_I'm sorry I took so long to right back. I just didn't have the courage or the decency to. But having time to think, I feel I owe you the truth. I'm sorry Kira, but I did something terrible, something that I don't think you'll forgive me for. You may be a little thick headed sometimes and sometimes I have to be a little blunt with you. It hurt so much thinking about how to write this letter, and even more when I finally did. But I imagine it'll hurt you even more. I cheated on you Kira. No word can describe how sorry I am and nothing I say can change what I did. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have done what I did. I was scared Kira. I was lonely and I was full of doubt. Most of all, I was weak . I made a stupid mistake that I can't take back. I'm sorry Kira for putting you through this now of all time. But I feel I owe you at the very least the truth. I want you to know that I still in love with you and my heart still belongs to you. I don't know what I have to do to make things right, but know that I'll be here the day you come home. I hope you can look at me in the eyes and call me yours Kira. I don't want to lose you, you're the sun who brightens my world. If you don't find it in your heart to forgive me and take me back, then I still want to be your friend. Please Kira, come back to me. Stay safe and take care of yourself. I love you and miss you so much._

_Forever yours,_

_Lacus_

Mwu folded the letter back up and placed it on the bed. He clenched his jaw, sympathizing with his deceased subordinate. "Maybe it was a good thing he didn't open the letter."

Looking at the other letter addressed to Lacus, Mwu picked it up and held it in his hands. Playing with it in his hand, his fingers danced along the lip before he tore it open. Unfolding the letter, Mwu noticed it was post dated the night before the convoy.

_Lacus,_

_Its been a while since I last heard from you, but I don't blame you. I tend to forget you have a life back home and me worrying you all the time probably doesn't help. As each day passes and as the barracks get emptier and emptier, I can't help but think I may never come home to you. Whatever happens Lacus, know that I will always love you no matter what. Know that nothing in this world can ever change my feelings for you. Know that my heart will always belong to you. At the same time, I can't keep putting you through this, all the worry, all the sadness, all the loneliness. It's selfish for me to make you wait for someone who may never come home, which is why I think its better for you to move on. While it pains to imagine you with someone else, you being happy is my sole concern. If someone else can make you feel happy and keep you from being lonely, then I'm happy. Whatever happens Lacus, I'll always be your friend. When I come home, I'll do what I have to do to make things right, but for now live life Lacus. Keep smiling, and keep being that same happy-go-lucky girl I fell in love with._

_Forever Yours,_

_Kira_

Mwu folded the letter up and put in back into the envelope Placing it back onto the bed next to the other letter. Standing up, Mwu limped over back to the wall locker. Opening the door, his eyes locked onto sole picture that hung on the door. Pulling it off the door, the Commander looked it.

Examining the picture, The Commander noticed it was taken at their Unit's Deployment Ceremony. His eyes fixed on the young couples bright smile, making Mwu smile himself. _"They look so… happy."_ Upon closer examination, Mwu spotted a blond and brunette haired couple in the back ground, granted the blond was being blocked by Kira's shoulder. The couple in the background were embracing each other, their faces serene. "_That's… Murrue and I…"_ Tears trickled onto the photo as the tears the Commander fought so hard hold in fell freely down the Commander's cheeks. "_I owe you one kid…"_

**A/N - And there you have it, an even happier ending to a tragic story. Thanks for reading everyone and be sure to review. That way I can feel a bit motivated to get the ole' imagination working =)**


End file.
